Connecting with gifts: Molly’s reflections from Turkey

Being in Turkey has woken up my inspirational spirit again; something I thought had gone missing. It wasn’t lost; it just needed a kick in the right area!

Teaching community connecting to others is always a challenge. There often is a fear by supporters and paid people that it is going to put them out of a job, a fear by relatives that people will get hurt emotionally and physically (by being let down by others or taken advantaged of), that the Community is not welcoming or ready to engage with people with disabilities. Yes these are the reasons why I continue to teach about connecting people because being a member of communities myself I see how it works.

In Turkey where we are teaching about person centred working and community connecting, I have had the privilege to observe connections happening between people with disabilities and community members in short periods of time with little to no effort needed by paid workers. It took the right place, time and opportunities to be with other people, and sharing gifts. That is all!

Ozge is a student living in Istanbul, a beautiful young woman who has experienced of institutional life. Now she is on the course to be a trainer, staying at the hotel with the other group of trainers. She has found a friend there in Fatma, the waitress in the dining area every morning and evening when our training group had their meals. Ozge connects with her eyes: she looks intently at you and then, if connecting with you, blinks and smiles this infectious smile that melts your heart, so all you want to do is to keep looking at her to see if she really means you. She does not do this to everyone, it is intentional and it means she wants to know what you are thinking. Every day Fatma spent time talking with Ozge during breakfast, and dinner. She even stayed later than her shift to keep talking with Ozge. Fatma is also a student, studying in Ankara when she is not a waitress. Both are on Facebook and whatsapp so they can exchange information, but better than that, Fatma is visiting Istanbul and Ozge has invited her to her home.

What did it take to connect Ozge with Fatma? There were the opportunities to meet at consistent times. Being with other people who value you so others know how to connect – her support worker Yelda knew when to support and when to back off and let Ozge do her own thing. Shared interests were introduced by just having informal chats. The gifts of a smile, eye contact, or the excitement over seeing someone each day which, as Fatma told me, brightens up their day. And, it was important for Ozge to be respected by someone like Fatma who is of a similar age.

Hulye is a very quiet soul. You recognise when you meet her that something bad has happened in her life. She recently moved from a very large institution where she spent 22 years of her 30 years into her own home with two friends. You can see from time to time a glimmer of hope that says “this time life might get better if I am careful”. Hulye spent a week with us training away from her home city. Every day she would sign in at the reception desk overseen by Emre from the organisation hosting the training. He also took photographs of the training and so was with us in the room throughout. We had done lots of drawing that Emre had dutifully captured and on the last day Hulye went to the desk and with a big smile on her face handed him a picture she had drawn herself. Emre asked if it was for him and she nodded. He asked about the picture with the house, the trees, the flowers, and the sun. She said it was where she lived now. Emre thanked her graciously, using her name, and later told the trainer how Hulye’s gesture had moved him to tears. He said he had never been given such a better gift in all the time he had serviced such events. He got Hulye’s address and said he would like to keep in contact, but whether he will or not is less important than the fact that this community member will not walk towards not away from people with disabilities in the future. That is his gift from Hulye.

These are just some of the people who have connected with me but also with others in a country where the social model of disability is a very new concept. Now they are getting it ‘live’ from people like Ozge and Hulye.